Published: April 18, 2008 10:18 am            

Is civility a foreign concept in our modern society?

Is civility in society dead? I hate to base anything on what a person sees on television, but it would appear that we are a deeply divided nation. The news programs in the morning and at night interview people on the left and on the right who end up screaming at each other.

Political discourse at its finest for sure, and you see signs of it all around us.

Civility is defined in the dictionary as politeness or a civil or polite act (thanks Webster’s Dictionary). In other words, it’s being nice when you may disagree with someone rather than screaming at them or punching them in the face.

I’ll tie civility in with manners because a person who has manners is usually seen as civil. People don’t always seem to have manners, especially in public, anymore. From talking on cell phones in restaurants and movies to letting a door slam in the face of the person walking behind them, people just aren’t as nice as they used to be.

One hears often how young people have no manners and are rude to people, but it’s not just them. It doesn’t seem like a lot of people want to take the time to say “thank you” or bother to leave a door open.

We see this sort of thing in film and television all the time, and there’s a trickle-down component in the real world. After so long, we don’t expect civility or manners from people. And if we don’t expect it, we’re not going to get it. Whether or not that’s a bad thing is a matter of opinion, but since this is my column I’ll tell you mine.

It’s not a good thing when people don’t bother to say “thank you” or practice good behavior when they’re out in public.

Many like to pick on children and teens in terms of lack of manners. Almost everyone has seen the child in a store who is having the temper tantrum from Hades. We’ve seen teens cursing or acting like children in public. Personally, I always made sure I only acted like an imbecile late at night in Wal-Mart when no one was around. Now, people of all ages engage in acts that years ago would have embarrassed them.

The older I get, the more of a curmudgeon I become, and I haven’t hit 30 yet. I should be wonderful to be around when I’m 60.

You hear of respect for elders, but a bigger problem seems to be a lack of respect for self. People who want to make a good impression usually don’t cause scenes in restaurants or start cursing out cashiers. Admittedly, we all have bad days and bad things that happen to us, but it’s best not to take that out on others. You might call it a mark of civility.

My friends used to try to get one of our group upset in public so that he would “go off,” as it were, and cause a scene. He didn’t act civil, and neither did my friends in provoking him. I worried at times that we would get thrown out of establishments because of the behavior. Luckily, we’re all older now and never see one another.

It seems our culture doesn’t put a premium on civility or manners anymore. As a matter of fact, a young person with manners is considered strange. A friend of mine said that people don’t expect young people to have them. He didn’t seem to think that was a bad thing, but just a fact of life.

Again, if that’s what people come to expect, then that’s what we’ll get. Civility and manners are traits that don’t mean much until someone is rude to you. Then, it becomes a personal matter. We get upset if someone talks down to us or decides to start a verbal argument with us. It would be better if we act civil and polite ourselves rather just expect people to be polite and civil to us.

In the 21st century, that seems too much to expect.

Mark Blevins is a Princeton Times reporter.

        

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