Published: November 14, 2008 03:23 pm            

My pen pals — past and present

In the last five years, social networking sites — Facebook, Twitter and MySpace to name a few — have dominated the Internet. Even presidential candidates joined in on the merry networking with updates, messages and photos. Businesses, musicians and even the Bluefield Daily Telegraph’s women’s magazine Prerogative has a site on MySpace. Using these social networking sites, I found — hundreds of miles away in Illinois — another Jamie Parsell.

At first, the friend request caused a double take. It read like this, “Jamie Parsell would like to be friends with Jamie Parsell.” Talk about confusion. Only a year older, the other Jamie Parsell lives in a small town in the Midwest with her husband and kids. In another uncanny comparison, she has brown hair and shares the same religious beliefs. We have become what I like to call — electronic pen pals. Ten years ago, it would have been almost impossible to find a woman who shares the same name.

But this is not my first pen pal. My first pen pal was Karen from Kansas. And then there was Louisa from Vermont, Stacy from New York and Carrie from the Carolinas. I had friends all over the country. But these friends wrote hand-written letters, sent postcards and pictures, not e-mails or comments via the Internet. I found my first pen pal during the summer before junior high. She only cost $3.95. The pen pal form was in the back of young adult book. Truthfully, I bought the book for the pen pal form. The fascination of being friends with someone outside of my immediate circle —in another state — intrigued me. Plus, I didn’t have to share a pen pal with any of my school friends. It was kind of like a secret friend.

I sure you can imagine my surprise when I realized there was a complex social network of pen pals. In addition to letters, sheets with names came to my mail box. I had instant access to even more pen pals. By the end of the year, I was up to four pen pals. And I received letters from people all over the country even Greece, all looking for correspondence. Besides letters, pen pals made friendship books. It sounds cheesy, which is an accurate description. In my junior high exuberance for all things creative, I designed a friendship book out of small squares of paper, preferably construction paper. Once stapled together, I would decorate the book with stickers, drawings or ribbon. On the first page, I wrote my address with a list of hobbies or interests. The friendship book would go in the mail to my pen pal, who would write her information and mail it to another pen pal. The idea was to obtain more pen pals (this was before stamps went up). Eventually, the book would return to the creator. It was an outlet to the outside world — a beginner’s Facebook.

In a time without e-mail, I would hand write all of my letters on pretty stationary with matching envelopes. Everyday, I waited by the mailbox, hoping for a letter or a card. Thankfully, I am not the only one who had a pen pal during adolescence. My co-worker Tasha, who works in the Production Department, also had pen pals. My mom had a pen pal from Japan. And I even introduced my best friend in junior high to my secret social network. She kept in touch with her pen pal for years. I have no idea where my pen pals are now. I think its amazing that I can even remember their names and hometowns.

lll

My first pen pal experience transpired before the revolution of the Internet, before Facebook and MySpace made instant friendships with search engines. Because of these two sites, old friends find new friends, classmates reconnect and strangers with the same names find their twins — no stamps involved. Do people still send old-fashioned letters? I turned my favorite search engine on the Internet to look for postal service pen pals. And yes, they still exist for both kids and adults. However, in today’s world a sense of caution throws a blanket over social networking. When I was growing up, the danger, which I am sure was there, never raised its ugly head. Pen pal letters still retained a smattering of innocence.

For every Jamie Parsell in Illinois, there is another person with different intentions on social networking sites. It is nice to pretend that the world is full of people innocent in their friend requests. But the sad truth — the harsh reality of technology — is that caution must be used when making friends on the Internet. Just because I found a new pen pal, with hundreds of similarities, does not mean that everyone can be as lucky. Yes, there is another Jamie Parsell in the world, which is interesting and fascinating because life is about exploring, realizing and never limiting ourselves in relationships with other humans. But before you type your own name in a search engine or accept a request from what looks like yourself, always remember the blanket of caution, which tends to smother the innocent beginnings of social networking.

Jamie Parsell is Lifestyles editor of the Daily Telegraph. Contact her at jparsell@bdtonline.com

        

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.