Published: October 17, 2008 02:03 pm            

Where are your good manners?

In one of my favorite movies, Julia Roberts’ character in “Pretty Woman” gets a lesson on etiquette at the dinner table — specifically on which fork to use with each course. Yet at the big dinner, she counts the points on the silverware to find her salad fork and then slings escargots across the dining room. Emily Post — the queen of manners — would have swooned at the sight.

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In 1922, Post wrote the book “Etiquette,” which became an encyclopedia for every social situation, blunder and conversation. In 1946, the Emily Post Institute was created and is still ran today by Post’s family members. The original book is now in its 17th edition, thanks to her ambitious relatives and Post’s legacy lives online. Good manners are just a click away. But do we use them?

As a child, my mom and dad taught my brother and I to use the correct forms of address for adults. Therefore, the words “yes, mam” and “no, sir” is a phrase I still use in conversations. However, I am shocked that so many people respond with negative comments, asking to not be called “mam” or “sir.” When did two respectful words become so taboo in society? It seems that overnight the general public started associating “mam” or “sir” with age. I disagree. Even though I am still in my late twenties, I use the phrases in conversations, interviews and introductions. And if a child or teenager calls me “mam,” I do not feel old; I feel honored by their respect.

Beyond polite conversation, I have also learned a little about dinnertime etiquette. Of course, my mom fussed about elbows on the table. And there was no reaching across anyone’s plate for the butter or the pepper. My mom didn’t want to raise a bunch of messy eaters. She especially didn’t like it when I created a swirl of mashed potatoes, peas and corn, which I had to eat after I was finished with my design.

But in junior high, a friend’s mother took on the task of teaching a bunch of junior high kids etiquette at the dinner table. This was no pizza party. My friend’s mom pulled out her best china, silverware and beautiful table linens. We dined on multiple courses, from soup to dessert, with my friend’s mother giving directions on etiquette. I remember sitting in the dining room desperately trying to not click the bottom of the china bowl with my spoon. Believe it or not, the lesson birthed the idea of the importance of certain etiquette rules. One does not drink their soup from the bowl in formal setting.

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Everyday is not a three-course meal, with multiple forks, spoons and nice table linens. Thankfully, today’s generation is comfortable enough to sit around a pizza box and watch Wheel of Fortune. Yet, manners and etiquette still remain an important part of society. Emily Post would agree with this sentiment. I am not the best role model for etiquette, as I am sure that eating in front of the television on Wednesday night during my favorite TV show is frowned upon by other etiquette watchers.

But there are some instances — thanks to technology — that create a desire for a society that still keeps Post’s etiquette book by the Bible. I am sure she would disapprove of annoying cell phone ringers. Especially when phones ring during the movies, church services and weddings. And I know she would shudder because no one writes thank you notes. And I am confident she would have something to say about writing in all capital letters in e-mails, using acronyms and texting instead of talking. Yes, the queen of etiquette would be mortified by today’s culture.

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I am no advice columnist. Neither do I deserve the title “Miss Manners.” But take a hint from Post and turn simple respect into a new set of etiquette rules. While no one expects you to learn the difference between forks and spoons ( unless you’re having dinner with the Queen of England ), take the time to write a letter, turn the cell phone on vibrate and concentrate on teaching children and teens a little dinner time behavior. Emily Post would definitely approve. And so would her legacy — all 17 editions.

Jamie Parsell is the Lifestyle editor for the Daily Telgraph. Contact her at jparsell@bdtonline.com.

        

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