Published: July 02, 2009 04:04 pm      

Straying politicians: The drunk drivers of failed marriages

Let me offer a note of thanks to South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards, and, while I’m at it, former President Bill Clinton. I could also thank San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. Frankly, I don’t have enough space to list all the monogamy-challenged politicians we know about. Why would I be thanking them for publicly defiling their marriage vows and going to great lengths to hide it from their constituents? Because it might stop one roving-eyed husband or one flirtatious wife from making the same mistake.

Gov. Sanford stepped up the game one notch by thinking he could fly to another continent without anyone noticing, including his staffers and a state full of residents. He raised the bar on some already amazingly arrogant behavior when he whipped out his passport. I’ve never hiked the Appalachian Trail (where he was first reported to be), but I’ve lived close enough to it to know that it doesn’t end in Argentina.

But, after the governor’s humiliation was televised for all to see, maybe some guy who thought about telling his wife he had to work late so he could take the long way home with a detour into another woman’s bed decided to go straight home instead. And maybe the woman thought twice about letting some clown with a wife come for a visit, and chose rather to prowl the grocery store aisle for unattached prey. We can only hope.

The public pain of the devastated wife and the national flogging of the politician-husband should be a reminder to us all, even those of us who are self-righteously certain we would never cheat on our spouse. Yes, even those of us who swear we would never do that, or who married late enough that we had our fill of dating and find the concept repulsive, or those of us who are still madly in love after 20, 30, or 50 years — it is a valid reminder for all of us.

Think of it like driving. Most of us probably think we are good enough drivers that we sit confidently behind the wheel and hit the road, expecting to come home alive. But we also know that some dweeb could be texting or drunk and plow into us. So, despite what good drivers we are, some irresponsible person at the wheel could cause an accident that may result in vehicle damage, personal injury or worse.

So, we drive defensively. We keep a wary eye out for swerving cars, we use caution at intersections whether we have the right of way or not, and we never, ever text while driving ... right? The point is that we try to drive well enough for ourselves, and for the bad drivers out there, that we survive behind the wheel every day.

The same principle could be applied to our marriages: be a defensive driver for your marriage. Keep a wary eye out for people swerving dangerously into your lane. Use caution at intersections with other people, especially those you find physically attractive or somehow appealing. And never, ever communicate with someone in a hazardous manner, saying something that you wouldn’t want your spouse or the other person’s spouse to hear or read. Obvious, right?

I am not saying infidelity is like an accident — there has to be a conscious choice to collide outside the marriage. Neither am I suggesting infidelity could happen to absolutely anyone, which is often the case with an accident. But I do believe we all benefit from being cautious of our own behavior and, sometimes, the behavior of those we interact with. Witnessing these devastating scenes of twisted marriages and broken vows, much like driving by a horrible accident scene, can serve a tragic but useful purpose as a reminder.

Possibly, politicians need some additional driving lessons because they travel such high-traffic, high-speed roads — roads where they get to make a lot of the rules. That authority becomes quite an aphrodisiac. Mix in unchecked arrogance, and you have a driver drunk on his own power and ready to run over his marriage.

Some people would say the elected official’s infidelity has nothing to do with his or her ability to govern, but I think their dishonesty and selfishness does. If they lie and cheat on their wife and risk their children’s love and security, what will they do to us?

Jaletta Albright Desmond is a self-syndicated columnist who writes about faith, family, and the fascinatingly mundane aspects of daily life. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and two daughters. Contact her at jdesmond@bdtonline.com