Bluefield Daily Telegraph, Bluefield, WV

Sister Newspapers' Blogs

July 23, 2012

Oh, what's it like to be super rich?

“If I were a rich man, Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.”

All right, so Tevye from “Fiddler on the Roof,” I’m not.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t wonder what it would be like to have Mitt Romney multimillionaire money.

Or better yet, Sheldon Adelson billionaire money.

Like you, I’ve heard all this talk about how much moolah Romney might have salted away in offshore accounts. Then, there’s the $100 million or so that gambling magnate Adelson says he’s going to take out of petty cash to defeat President Barack Obama in November.

Just imagine having all ... that ... money. Enough to run for president or at least have a big say in who’s going to be the president.

And still have enough left over so you don’t have to clip

“buy-one-get-one-free” coupons out of the newspaper.

Sorta makes a fellow want to run right out and buy a lottery ticket, doesn’t it?

There’s a scene in the 1981 movie “Arthur,” in which Dudley Moore’s ultra-wealthy (“All I can tell you is, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have”) title character is asked something by a florist played by the Yiddish-accented Lou Jacobi.

“How does it feel to have all that money?”

Arthur replies as he leaves the store: “It’s great.”

The florist nods and says to himself ruefully: “A dumb question.”

Well, yeah, probably ... but maybe not.

All having an awful lot of money means is you don’t have to worry about money. It won’t bring back a lost loved one or allow you to be young again or make your dog any smarter.

If I had a ton of money, I would lavish most of it on wild bacchanals with women of questionable virtue, private jets to exotic gambling locales, and huge replicas of Mount Rushmore made entirely out of Swiss chocolate.

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