Bluefield Daily Telegraph, Bluefield, WV

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October 26, 2012

‘Twick or tweat’ is really hard to beat

We were sitting down to eat hot dogs when a miniature version of Cleopatra joined our table. She was beautiful and mysterious, this little queen of the Nile.

Soon thereafter, a witch named Esmerelda joined us with a cackle. And then a handsome vampire grabbed a chair. He didn’t give his name but I could see his fangs and some red stuff on the corners of his mouth.

Suddenly, the world’s fattest baby penguin was dropped into my lap. Close behind was a fierce-looking lion peering from under his fancy mane.

And then a football player from the Chicago Bears showed up, cleats and all. He was followed by a tiny fire chief, complete with turnout gear with florescent strips for night visibility.

A mad scientist came by with crazy, multi-colored hair. I didn’t have time to tell him how many times I’ve enjoyed “Back to the Future.”

He was trailed by Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Happily, she was traveling without Toto, that yappy little dog.

I felt something wiggle under my feet and looked down to see a little brown creature with a smiley face that might have been a monkey.

Before I could speak, a giant pizza roll walked by. I’d never before seen one with feet.

Two cowboys strolled past, looking on the floor for evidence of their horses, no doubt. I didn’t question them because they both were toting six shooters.

A beautiful pirate girl told me she was searching for Captain Jack and those other rascally Pirates of the Caribbean. I whispered to her that I hadn’t seen a ship in days.

Lo and behold, a few minutes later I spotted Captain Jack across the room but he was being chased by two princesses and a witch in an orange hat.

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Bill Archer
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