Bluefield Daily Telegraph, Bluefield, WV

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October 26, 2012

Why the hold up with undecided voters?

While I watched the presidential debate, two thoughts kept running through my head:

Did he really say he had a binder full of women?

Who are these undecided voters and what is taking them so long to decide?

So I Googled “undecided voters” and got a hold of the agent for one of them. That’s right. Undecided voters are in such demand now that they have agents. The agent’s name was Tommy “Swifty” Carbone.

“Mr. Carbone,” I said, before he cut me off.

“Swifty,” he said.

So I repeated myself much faster.

“I said ‘Swifty’ not ‘Swiftly,” he told me.

“Oh, sorry. Anyway Mr. Swifty, would it be possible to talk to your client about being an undecided voter?”

“Just a second, I’ll check,” Swifty said, putting me on hold.

After a few minutes Swifty came back on the phone.

“He’s not sure,” Swifty said, and then he let out a big sigh.

“I see,” I said. Then I paused for a second before asking. “Does he do that a lot?”

“All the time. It drives me crazy. It’s like there’s no talking to this guy,” Swifty said.

I asked Swifty why he thinks his client is taking so long to decide which candidate to support.

“Normally I wouldn’t talk about a client without his permission, but I’m not sure he’s actually my client,” Swifty said.

“Don’t you have a contract with him?”

“Sort of, but he hasn’t signed it. He said he can’t decide if he wants an agent. But when I started to leave, he told me that he wanted me to be his agent. But when I came back into the room, he said he wasn’t sure. And then ... well you get the idea,” Swifty said.

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